The wind blows

The clouds clear

The moon shines

The cars pass

The grass is wet

You are cold

The wood is hard

Your heart is open.

It's been so long since I've truly written
And stopped to slow down to appreciate life
Always on the go
never stopping, the button pressed on fast-forward
that's how I thinkI love life
I'm not sure if it is worth it,

I never know whats worth it.
I never know who is worth it, I never know what to do.

Always betrayed and constantly hurt,
forgive (?) but don't forget
and ... move on.

i can't write anymore, i can't write, i can't write

so unfocused,

so unfocused

so lost

it doesn't matter

just live everyday.

like he always says,

be a robot.

Your fits of drunken rage turn you into a true monster.
Scarred innocence and a left behind childhood
They are forced to grow up faster than I ever had to
The bottle calls, and induces a monster
Every night
And when it sparks you into something terrible
Someone that does not belong to you
You become someone you do not what to be
Humanity can be very dissapointing sometimes

And how I ever do hate the bottle, to cure all sorrows

Surrounded by people, it is hard to focus on the one who is only focused on you

Guided by a feeling, unsure whether it’s true, you let the moment bring you forward

Not knowing where you may end up

It’s hard to further break a broken heart

And you can only push to put it back together again

You have to watch to never hurt one that is already broken

In a dimly lit room,

Surrounded by people, the heat is intensifying

The night goes on

And we stare into each others eyes and play our little games

It is so much easier to be young again with you

Rolling, restless, it is impossible to sleep

Too hot to concentrate

Hands become intertwined,

Carefully held, delicately put together

Hair hides my uncertain eyes

They close so I can take in the moment

I feel you watching and taking me in

Delicately stroking the back of my hand
Waiting, Hoping, You are taking the moment in

Barely believing you are there, I think

Sleeping next to the one you admire

I felt watched and loved

Admired and cute

Knowing someone was helping me go to sleep

Affectionately intertwined

Watching, waiting and taking me in.

Fear less, hope more;
Whine less, breathe more;
Talk less, say more;
Hate less, love more;
And all good things are yours." - Swedish Proverb

Each moment of my life I am faced with a choice.

Turn right, no, turn left.

Don’t eat that, eat this.

Listen to her, not to him.

Choose your friends wisely.

Pick between the different influences that affect your lifestyle.

Think about which cause you would rather support.

Be serious, no, be funny.

Choose between survival and joy.

Everyday I must come to a decision. Whether it is a petty situation, or something life-altering, every choice counts. Often compared to a game of chess, I must foresee the moves my opponents could make, or try to understand the logic and reasoning of what has already happened and prevent it from happening once more.  I tend to take the above proverb as the rule to my life, to make it a happier one to live in. The choices are never easy and some are painful and are too much to bear. They are essential to my own little life lessons, essential to my being. If I do not feel pain, how will I be able to appreciate the sweet rewards of joy? I wake up each morning knowing that from the moment I open my eyes I will be faced with an infinite number of choices that will shape my life. Hopefully I will take the path less travelled by, the road not taken and it will indeed, make all the difference.

Everything has just been so drastically changed
This is the end of life as I know it
And im way too tired to process all of this new and frightening and happy information

...

There once was a gentle boy with no ambitions in mind,

Who leapt from person to person,

Not knowing where he would find his place.

Lost and bewildered, by what significant event?

He did not know.

He never knew.

One day, he met this girl with miserable and tired eyes,

Who hid them with an effortless, goofy smile,

Always making up a joke to avoid what really needed to be addressed.

Fed up and hopeless,

She never knew life could be so empty,

Until she found him, the misplaced boy without any focused aspirations.

She always was attracted to a lost cause.

They say that we do not what sorrow is. We have not lived through their experiences and we have not seen what their eyes have been so traumatized by, so how could we know anything about pain? We are young, we are reckless and irresponsible. We know nothing of love, we know nothing of pain.

So when we are walking fearfully up our front steps, afraid of what may face us when we enter the door, we must remember that we are not allowed appearing hurt. The yells will issue and insults will fly, and soon they will be followed by an eerie, lifeless silence. Forget any politeness and say goodbye to love because they will not be found anytime soon. And when you break down and let the tears flow, it is then when it will be confirmed that you have lost the battle. When you admit what is going on behind that frazzled mind of yours will be the time that your defences will be penetrated.

In a home where emotion is forbidden, you must learn to be the master of nothingness. A blank face and empty eyes will be all that is acceptable.